By:  Jennifer Weinberg

Picture this: you’ve secured a listing appointment with a prospective client. You come prepared with comparable sales, a listing strategy and a charming demeanor. You have a professional and friendly meeting, walk out the door and are feeling great. You follow up with a thank you note. The next day your phone rings – it’s the seller! You pick up the phone with an enthusiastic “Hello there!” and they hit you with the bad news – they have chosen a different real estate agent to list their home.

In this moment, a range of emotions may arise: disappointment, annoyance, defeat. Did a headache start as soon as you hung up the phone? Studies have found that the feeling of rejection activates the same areas of our brain as physical pain. At this point, you may go straight to bed, to the gym or the bar… but it’s important you don’t succumb to the rejection spiral.

Here are three tactics to process the rejection and move on:

Always Ask For Feedback

The best way to approach feedback is with a growth mindset. Be specific and appreciative. Before they hang up the phone, ask them a follow-up question with sincerity and appreciation. Here are some examples:

“Thank you for the opportunity to share my services with you. Is there something specific that I did not provide that you needed?”

“I appreciate your time meeting with me. I look at each experience as an opportunity to learn – is there something different that I could have done to earn your business?”

This is not the time for an interrogation. One question is sufficient to get the feedback you need. Some people will give you a vague answer and that’s okay. The more you ask for feedback, the better you will be able to focus on your own growth.

Avoid the Negativity Loop

“Do not waste yourself in rejection; do not bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

You had an opportunity (the listing appointment) and went for it (asked for the listing)! But it didn’t work out. That’s okay because no one—I repeat NO ONE—has a 100% listing appointment score. Everyone, even the top producers in your market, have been rejected. And they will continue to receive some rejection. Why? Because people who go out and ask for the opportunity will not always get it.

Your “fight or flight” response may kick in when you receive the rejection. And naturally, this starts a negative energy flow. The opportunity here is to point that energy into something positive. You may need to do something physical, like take a walk, or you may need a quiet space to calm your thoughts. Recognize your emotions in the moment and respond as they arise so that you will be ready to work on the next steps.

Do What Works and Make Adjustments

“There’s nothing like rejection to make you do an inventory of yourself”-James Lee Burke

First, focus on what worked. How did you find that lead and confirm the listing appointment? You were successful in the first steps of the sales process. Keep the tactics that have proven successful for you.

Next, consider your previous successes and how they compare to this experience. How did you get your previous listing or buyer? Go back to that source and try again.

Lastly, take the feedback from the client and evaluate your processes and procedures. Did you not do enough research beforehand? Did you talk too much or too little in the listing appointment? Use their feedback as information—not a personal critique of your character. Think of it as data, and use that data to alter your approach. Then, practice these changes. Do a role-play exercise with a colleague or family member to feel comfortable with the new approach.

Keeping a positive attitude, asking for feedback and conducting assessments are the best ways to respond to rejection. Maya Angelou said it best: “Rejection can simply mean redirection.”

Jennifer Weinberg is a licensed real estate professional, REALTOR® and partner in Living True Home Group at MW Real Estate Co in Nashville, TN. Living True Home Group empowers homeowners by offering real estate information and services in an approachable, compassionate and fun way. Their motto: No egos here. This women-led partnership makes sure all their clients feel listened to and cared for and well-informed.